Random Thoughts

When the first few lines of that song comes on, And you start to feel your heart respond, Your brain dredges up the memories, And your eyes release the tears, Your lips curve in a smile as you remember, Not the lyrics of the song, But the moment you shared with that song, You jump back in time, To that moment it changed from a song to a reminder, That danced you shared, The hapiness that bubbled forth, And then your heart beats a little faster, The sadness starts to leak in, You yearn for that time, A time when your worries seemed far away, When life looked like a journey you could make, And then the strains of the song come to an end, You feel the hold of that memory slipping, Suddenly you're not 13 anymore, You're at an age when it's dangerous to remember, Best to keep a lid on it and move on, Because that's the best thing to do, The safe thing to do.

Nothing... That's all I heard when I opened my mouth, Where is my voice? Where are the words? But you couldn't answer cause you couldn't hear, Couldn't hear my cry, Couldn't hear my plea, I tried to reach out and touch you, But with each stretch of my finger, you drew away farther and farther, I tried to ask you to wait, I tried to get you to stop, But you kept on walking, A fat tear rolled down my cheek, Found its home in the hollow of my shoulder, Shrivelled up and dried out, Was the box that held my voice, A payment certainly for past sins For misuse maybe? Did I speak when I shouldn't have, Doesn't matter now anyway, It desserted me when I needed it the most, Just like you think I desserted you in time of need, But I didn't, I'm right here, Wandering by your side like a troubled spirit, I saw you sit alone, Saw your shoulders droop with worry, I reached out to comfort you, Tried to tell you that I care, You can'

Hey you :) So, once more, I have decided to pen down my thoughts, or more like type them out. Currently sitting down in my poorly lit room at 22:41, eating a bowl of oats, peanuts and banana with honey, while my body is wracked by sporadic bouts of barely concealed pain lasting long enough to be more than an irritation. the source of the pain; my elusive period. Yes people, I actually said period. Why do people feel like they have to hide around discussing it. It's a natural body function for females, just like 'morning wood' is pretty natural for boys too, mostly those in the pubescent age. Anywho, my period is two days late, but the pain is pretty much on time. Not only did I have to suffer through the premenstrual pain, but now I'm having cramps without actually bleeding. Lord knows how many times I've had to race for a pad because it felt like it was coming out, but that's all it was, a feeling, almost like a phantom limb. My period is almost never late. My

Hush, I've got a secret, A secret to hide, You can't tell anyone, This secret must follow you to your grave, Can I trust you, Can I trust you not to tell anyone about it, About the endless nights, Nights when insomnia sleeps right beside me, Cradling my head as he sings me his lullaby, But it's not meant to put you to sleep, Oh no, It's a lullaby that draws you into a semi-concious state, You hear your flatmate walking around her room, The songs of the birds filter through your window, And your brain plays you reel after reel, A private cinema in your head, Scene after scene, My secret comes to life, I see you smiling at me, That secret smile you save just for me, It lights up your eyes, Lights up the screen, And gets brighter and brighter, Until all I can see is white, The white of your eyes, The white of your teeth, The searing white pain that strikes from missing you, It gets more intense, Harder to see, Harder to breathe, Until I open

My heart is breaking inside, All I've ever known is being destroyed, The stone wall of my heart is falling, And all I can do is watch, The bricks rain down on my head, Hitting me with almost calculated aim, One news at a time, All I hold precious is snatched away, Never thought it would happen to me, It's always been someone else, But now it's me, Your bestfriend is with child, Your blossoming love shattered by the cruel hand of reality, I don't want it to happen, But all I can do is watch, Oh God, Why, The tears pool in my eyes, Burning through my glands, Seeking to pour out, But I can't let it, I won't let it, Or else it would be too real, No, I'll force them back inside, I'll pick up the bricks and rebuild the wall, I'll gather my strength like never before, Funny how things change, Never thought I'd be the one giving comfort, But all it takes is one thing to trigger that change, In a matter of minutes, I moved