Random Thoughts

In my head, there’s a river of thoughts, Sometimes the current is strong, But most times it flows undisturbed, A gentle caress on the land, It meanders forth into an unknown destination, Carrying along with it cases of my thoughts, While I sit down and look on, I like to think they’re brilliant thoughts, Filled with marvellous words, beautiful pictures, stirring songs, Maybe even a sonnet or two, or was that a haunting haiku, I don’t know, cause I rarely open them, I simply watch them as they float on by, It’s easier to drown the cases, Than reach in for them, After all, what good will that do, Opening them up presents me with my fears, Soft and pliable, hard and unforgiving, Worse than a lifetime on the flying Dutchman, Worse even than sparring off with the Devil, Seeing my lifetime in little compact cases, Reading through the detailed changes in my life, In my thoughts, in my ideologies, in my faith, Counting the many tears I’ve shed, Taping on the shreds of

People hear voices...I hear loud cow hide drums beating...           *Dum*     *Dum*    *Dum* Calling to me from the horizon of insanity... The chains of rationality hold me back... Shackled to the borders of my senses... I cannot seem to escape to the sweet freedom of madness... But then...the beat changes...           *Come*   *Come*   *Come* Suddenly, it's more personal... They are asking for me... The pounding is more erratic now...Frenzied! Crazy! Insane! Liberating! *COME* *COME* *COME* *COME* *COME* *COME* *COME* *COME* And then, silence............ The drums flatline... And silence reigns once more... Just like it did...before the drums.

Before I begin, I simply wish to let you know that this is not a poetic piece or endearing prose, this is an honest to God cry to you, the last bugle before the ship sails, the final warning before the hurricane, the only visible finger of a drowning person before they submerge. As I write this, un-shed tears form a trail down the dusty terrain of my heart, and stray cannon balls ricochet around the empty space inside me that was your abode. What do I say to you? Sorry? Forgive me? Please speak to me? Tell me my sins? What exactly?! What do I tell you when I can hardly reach you.....when the lines of communication are severed so badly ants can't even use them as a trip line. Where did I go wrong? Even if you hate me, why don't you tell me? Tell me! Shout it out from the top of the empire building...throw a pie in my face...tip me off from Mount Kilimanjaro...but please....please, oh please, I beseech you, stop killing me with silence. Each empty echo is a day taken off my li

Riding on a stormy weather, Hoping and praying to God that it never gets better, Else how the hell am I supposed to express my pain, I only see it written well in the drops of the rain. People looking up to the skies trying to find the sun, wishing it breaks through the clouds so they can have some fun, But there's no reason to smile, when the only one, That could ever make me laugh is forever gone. The rainbows have no color, the flowers all grey, Music sounds just like the dead, and food tastes like hay, Mondays are all better because of the grind,  I throw myself into work, it takes you off my mind. But no matter how I run, even jump out a window, You follow me all around, like you're a freaking shadow, So till I find some peace riding the stormy weather, I hope and pray to God that it never gets better.

I can't seem to find you anymore. I looked through my memories, but you weren't there. I searched through my pictures, but you'd disappeared. I scanned through my videos, not one was of you. I went through my messages, no better luck there too. I know I didn't imagine you, I'm pretty sure you're real. All the emotions that you, made me feel. Cascading through my veins, a burning for you. My ideal guy, where are you?