From the mistress, to the wife

Just as venus transits across the sun in london,
the sun rays transit across my closed eyelids,
yanking me from slumber into the dawn of day,
dousing my slowed senses with the cold flow of reality.

With the first drop comes the slight strain of the song,
the gears in my brain begin to whir at hyper speed,
before I jump off my bed to check the calender,
I know what day it is.

The tempo increases and my feet begin to move,
to the all familiar rhythm that I know too well,
my body sways and the path appears before me,
once again, I must suffer the curse of 6th June.

A step forward leads me down the 5th avenue,
to the 4th time I felt true love in my life,
in the 3rd country I'd ever been to,
on the 2nd day that I walked through those gates.

I remember quite well my 1st memory of you,
and as the dance takes me futher downlane,
my next step puts me right beside you,
so that I see you now as I saw you then.

The sound of your laughter drifts into my ears,
the smile on your face aimed at the young lad beside you,
the swing of your hips go in time with the beat,
as if you hear the song too.

I reach out to touch your burnished skin,
but like the tendrils of smoke from a boiling pot,
they pass right through you without a notice,
and I watch you lead me now, like you led me before.

After all these years I still feel it,
the fatal lurch of my heart at your beauty,
the stirrings of misguided jealousy,
ingredients of the sad mix of our history.

To say I set out to hurt you would be a lie,
I was intimidated and yet besotted by you,
I longed for the hapiness that surrounded you,
I wished to be like you.

Perhaps if we gave this case to Sigmund Freud,
he'd say that my admiration of you was my undoing,
he'd say I wanted so badly to be just like you,
that in the end I swallowed your very essence.

I let you walk all over me so that I could absorb your prints,
I befriended your friends so they'd be my friends too,
I took your classes so I'd be closer to you,
and in the end, I stole your heart's desire.

To say the fates threw us together would be right,
for I know I never set myself to capture him,
I steered clear of his attention and his affection,
because I knew they both belonged to you.

Yet it seems that somehow, I managed to do just that,
as the next rhythm sees me stumbling upon my past self,
gazing at him with eyes full of searing warmth,
and receiving an answering call in his.

When I say I never meant to hurt you,
you have to believe that it's the truth,
for when I saw the rift I was creating,
I tried so hard to sew it back together.

But I failed me, him and most importantly, you,
for I found myself sinking deeper into the quagmire,
that I had created with my paradox of envy and longing,
caught on the sticky web of hatred and love.

In my want to please you, I had hurt you instead,
for the next note shows me the scene where you vented at me,
tears burning a trail down your face, words choked up in you,
as you yelled at me, "You can have him! Are you happy now?!"

But I wasn't happy, for my troubled emotions sped up the pulse,
and my moves turned erratic, as different scenes flashed me by,
you in a towel, pleading with me to let him go, setting rules to follow,
you in the hall, confronting us as we ironically discussed pleasing you.

The last lines of the song take me to our very last week together,
when we embarked on a final journey, the end of our eternal triangle,
where you both attempted to patch up what was left of your relationship,
and I looked on, with a plethora of sundry emotions floating in me.

As the last notes fade away, I sit by my past self on the bus,
Seeing her smile, but I know it's a farce,
for inside she sings a broken song of sorrow,
I wish to tell her something but I forget, and alas, the song is over.

The voyage is ended, and my feet have stopped moving,
I look out the window and see the sun begin to set,
the golden rays splashed on the sky's canvas,
signify the end of the curse of 6th June for another 365 days.

For the pain that I caused a fair angel, I accquired a curse,
to traverse down the sands of time and look upon my sins,
and see the way that my actions nipped a growing bud,
one that could have become a beautiful violet.

As I lay down to drift back into slumber,
I wonder, if I was given the chance to change the past,
would I take the opportunity to wipe my slate clean,
break this curse that is the bane of my existence?

And then it hit me, that I regret nothing,
for the pain that I caused you,
and for the tears that you shed,
I am sorry, and wish I could have saved you from it.

However to turn the hands of time would be useless,
for I would lose the memories of the future,
and the experience of the past,
and probably make the same mistakes I did.

For at the end of the day,
all I'd really wanted was to be you,
so your pain became my joy,
and your doubt, my security.

So I get off my bed, and sit at my desk,
for I suddenly remember what I wished to tell my past self,
for even if I do not regret what happened,
I should have put my fear aside, and said the one word that matters most.

A word which I've only mentioned once in this tale,
I should have told you that I was sorry for hurting you,
but I was too much of a coward to, so instead, I write this,
from the mistress, to the wife.