Big girl, you are beautiful.

My friends dragged me out clubbing yesterday night, with the excuse that we hadn't had a proper night together since exam time. I honestly did not feel like going because;
1) I honestly hate clubbing.
2) I never have suitable clubbing outfits.
3) It's always an expensive night out.
However, since I wished to hang out with them, I agreed to it. Now, I have discovered that ever since I left high school and joined uni, I've become a shell of my former self. I'm a bit of an introvert around strangers, and I easily get intimidated. Needless to say, the night out was a disaster, but I didn't want to ruin it for my friends by telling them. So instead, I've put it into a little piece, and wish to share it with you. The piece is a

Hopefully, this will help you understand the piece a little better, and how I felt when it happened. 

They think she can't hear them as they whisper to each other,

"Yeah, she's def not fit. I mean look at her",

with looks of mild revulsion on their faces,

and for the umpteenth time that night,

she regrets coming out to the club.

Trying to stay still so she isn't noticed,

she closes her eyes and wishes she was any place else,

instead of behind her friend in a queue,

waiting for a drink that's been 30 minutes coming.

A guy jostles her roughly and she catches his eye,

an apology is obviously not an option as he sails by,

pretending she was a pillar he'd walked into,

instead of another human being on a night out.

The urge to cry nearly suffocates her,

as she hears him laugh with his friends,

about her stocky thighs and big bum,

he mentions how not pretty she is,

and she's forced to hide her face in her friend's shoulder.

An intoxicated blonde girl dances over, with a bootle attached to her lips,

with perky boobs, hazel eyes, and lips the color of cherry,

she flutters her mascara enhanced lashes at the guy in the queue,

trying to flirt her way to the front, ignoring the big girl before her,

the guy's hands snake past the girl behind him,

to latch on to the shoulder of the drunken hussy behind her,

she's pushed aside as the drunken girl is moved ahead,

and tears of mortification burn holes in her eye lid,

as she holds on to her friend's hand, so she isn't swept to the back,

"what makes you beautiful" comes on and everyone sings along with joy on their faces,

save for the broken big girl, who sees the irony of the moment.

Five handsome young boys, with fame and money to their name,

singing to slim gorgeous girls without a stretch mark in sight,

attempting to reassure them that their insecurity was for naught,

as being beautiful means being loved just the way you are.

A long sigh escapes her, as she gazes at the people dancing around her,

when they sing the very lines that mock her the most,

"...you're being shy, and turn away when I look into your eyes",

they make eye-contact with the willowy beauties around them,

but look away when they glance in her direction,

and she realizes that no one understands, not even the lyrics that claim to.

There are songs everywhere about loving someone the way they are,

and looking into their eyes to see beyond the skin and into their soul,

but those songs always have petite beauties featured in them,

not big girls who have to shop in the size 12 and above section,

boys are forever gazing into the eyes of these goddesses, 

but never try to peer beneath the folds she'd hidden herself in,

she wondered why songs about big girls were never club anthems,

and then remembering their reaction to her,

she understood why.

Tapping her friend's shoulder, she told him she wished to leave,

keeping her head high and walking over to the door,

she thought about the cold bed she was going home to,

trying to be brave, she plastered a smile on to her face,

But even as her steps took her out of the club,

she heard the whispers drift down the stairs,

they thought she couldn't hear them as they whispered to each other,

"Yeah, she's def not fit. I mean look at her".