Now the past...not the present

 I don't have a fancy rhyme to sweeten your ears, or a beautiful story to spill over your absorbing hearts. All I bring is a hurt so scalding it burns through my chest, and a pain so great that each breath is a Herculean effort. What the hell am I blabbering on about?
 Have you ever wanted something so bad that you sacrificed your time and pride, simply to have access to it? A jewel so rare, or so you thought, that you were satisfied to simply be in its presence, even if you couldn't have it. Have you ever loved so hard that your vulnerability surpassed an unsuspecting deer at a watering hole ,right before the Lion's den? Have you ever cried so hard your tear ducts turned to dust and all you had left were heaving sobs? Have you ever wished for a moment to draw on for eternity? Have you ever looked back on a memory, and shed not tears, but bits of your heart?
 Words fail me at a time when I need them the most. Not even a picture can capture what I wish to express.

  I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've done all of it. Yearned so hard, I lost myself in the process. Loved so hard, I emptied myself to fill me with him. Cried so hard, even the blood left my body.
  But it doesn't matter anyway, cause I still lost the one thing I ever truly wanted. Everyone says to me, "well at least you have the memories", but you know what, sometimes I wish I didn't. No one wants the memories, everyone wants the real thing. However, life never really gives you what you want. I know that, it's just hard to accept. Do you know what it feels like to see someone you were stuck to for years suddenly move on? Do you know what it feels like to know you don't really matter as much to that person like you used to? Do you know what it feels like to get important news about someone, who once shared everything with you, from someone else? Do you know what it feels like, when you don't get it at all? Do you know what it feels like when you realize.......you are now the past......and not the present...